(yet another unanounced visit)
There are things that can be really hard to conceive. I heard the news the moment it happend and I still find it hard to believe; I am still in denial. Ayoub! Is that real? Are you here no longer?
The simple thought of that makes me feel dizzy. I don’t buy this! How could it happen? In an eye flick, again, a nice person departs, no introductions, no signs, nothing at all. The only thing that remains are flashbacks, distant or close, and they do nothing but make the news harder to believe.
I keep thinking only to feel sadder, only for my grief to deepen. Ayoub was a friend (oh! how hard it is using the past!) he was weld lblad, too. A mepi fellow, a classmate and someone whom you could ask for help, anytime! “Ya3ni” was his speech marker. I remember him abusing the “ya3ni” during classes or when he made an announcement, and we would tease him about it!
I remember how he would make sure that no one stays angry with him, how he would make all that is in his power to be forgiven when he made a mistake, even when it’s only accidental.
I feel agonized but as I think of how Ayoub felt during his last days, I somewhat calm down. I know that he was very contented about himslef, something which not everybody is.
Last summer, Ayoub was in the US, living a dream of his. Few months ago he was in Jordan participating in a leadership conference. He was working on his PHD and very happy with what he has achieved so far, and with the position he held in society, especially back in Beni Welid, his hometown.
Now, I can do nothing but ponder upon several conversations that we had, like when he gave me loads of movies to watch, and plenty of electronic books to read, how he talked about his recordings of the oldest persons in Beni Welid, the fascinating pictures of the area and above all one conversation that I would never ever forget and the one sentence that sums it all: “Allah ykhelini dima niyya.”
Ayoub wanted to always be a good person, no matter what happens, even if there were people who wanted to use him; he always wanted to be true, no matter what.
Although, I am still in disbelief, and although I take all the tall persons that pass by for you, may you rest in peace, Ayoub!