As I took the taxi heading towards Ghafsai , I had the intention to make my journey a different one. I wanted to form a new vision of my world and lead my life in a completely different way.Along the road, I tried to memorize all the sceneries and build up a new world inside of me and look at everything differently.
The green spaces along the way made me feel a great happiness that changed to cofused feelings: a fusion of sadness, bereavement and loss. I endeavoured to fight back with all my strength and with a big smile, my face announced the end of the battle.
The journey took another direction. It was a contemplation of life and death… As I arrived at my my grandmother’s house, a flood of wandering air caressed my face. I opened the door. My heart started beating faster and I waited for my Grandma to welcome me as I kiss her foreheard; however, she did not show up.
I called her:” Lalla, Lalla! where are you? I really miss you.” Still there was no answer.
I ran to the kitchen:” Lalla! Are you there? Please, don’t hide.” She didn’t answer!
I knelt on the floor and cried:” Lalla! please don’t hide. I really miss you. I am broken Lalla. I need you arms to hug me. Please, don’t keep hiding. I want to cry on your chest. Lalla! Lalla! Why don’t you answer me? Are you angry with me? Please, tell me it was not your corpse they took away. Tell me it was not you they cried over. They are liars. Please, don’t hide.”
I cried as a child would, yet, she didn’t appear. I looked at the walls. They looked as if they were crumbling. I saw weeds everywhere. If only I knew how to find her once again!
I remembered those mornings when my Grandma used to wake up earlier than the birds to make us breakfast before we took leave at the end of every holiday. I could not keep breathing. I tried to stand up and walk very slowly.
Suddenly, I felt an insane desire to go to the room where we gathered for the last time. Everything was covered with dust as if in a try to earase our souvenirs. I felt angry and shouted. But then I recognized that nothing could cover my grandmother’s wisdom ; she was not a common person and she will live for eternity even if she had passed away. I kept silent for a while and a wave of questions came to my head: ” Did my grandmother hug and kiss me last time we met? Did she know it was our last time together? ”
I could give no answer. I just opened the door and run away -like I used to do when still a kid- embracing the years of my childhood and wishing that my grandmother run after me to catch and kiss me for the last time, giving me some of her wisdom and precious lessons of a long long life and show me the way to ETERNITY.